I can't sleep. I've been taking diet pills because apparently I'm highly susceptible to unachievable goals and standards. I want not to find only longing as the disconnect between my perceived identity and real self. As though between ludicrous dreams of self delusion, small aspects had appeared truthful and cemented fear and doubt in place of something quietly less obvious. I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking that something is seriously wrong. Not tangibly so, but nevertheless, overwhelmingly so. Like a white elephant creeping about the room, just out of sight but by no means out of mind. I'd turn the light on to read, but it would o